The letters BDSM have become a part of mainstream conversation recently, especially since the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ trilogy hit bookstores. Soon every woman was reading it and every man wanted to know what exactly the book detailed about BDSM. Everyone was intrigued, but a fantasy novel can only go so far with educating the masses. BDSM, which is an umbrella term for various activities that fall under this form of practice includes Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.
There is a lot of stigma around practicing it and a lot of misunderstanding too. BDSM is not always about sex or crazy aerial bondage, there are many types and levels that you can find as per your comfort. You need to let go of imagery that has been ingrained through porn, it’s not so spontaneous, it is well planned and discussed. You need to decide who’ll be the dominant and many other steps before you actually try it. So if you’re planning on venturing into this world of kink, we’ve put together a quick guide for you to ease your worries.
Live your fantasy
A lot of experts believe BDSM is a healthy way to act out fantasies with your partner, as it can help you explore new sexual experiences. Couples in long term relationships end up complaining about their bedroom sessions becoming boring, sparkless, and vanilla. The love is usually still there but the sex has become routine and the excitement has fizzled out. If both of you find the idea of BDSM exciting, even if in the form of light bondage, it could do wonders to your sex life.
Do Your Homework
Your inspiration for BDSM could be from anywhere – porn or Fifty Shades of Grey, but everything that is visualized for these is not necessarily the most educational material to start experimenting. You need to read up about the right techniques, safe practices and understanding the various aspects of this lifestyle. Read up as much as possible and also ensure your partner is on the same page so you can discuss your options.
Set Your Boundaries
It is very important in such scenes to spend some time beforehand and decide your dos and don’ts. Don’t be shy, an open discussion is a key to an effective and pleasurable BDSM scene. The line is very thin between adventurous and uncomfortable, so holding back any insecurities or issues from your partner is definitely a no-no. Agree with a safe word that both of you won’t say in bed otherwise to keep it clear and simple. In case the stop word is used, respect it and stop the act immediately or it could damage your relationship.
One At A Time
Don’t attempt all your ideas at one go, start off slow. Pick one fantasy that you both want to act out and then begin expanding your adventures. That way you’ll get to enjoy one thing fully and then have enough ideas to explore the next time.
Invest In The Right Gear
If you’re serious about exploring BDSM, you should invest in the right inventory for your scenes. Once you start getting more involved in it, you’ll want to give up on your household items that were working fine till then. Eventually, you’ll want authentic gear to make your experience even more real and better. There are tons of online options to cater to this need.
Check In After
One of the most vital parts of a BDSM scene is checking in with your partner after the act. Making sure they enjoyed it, that they weren’t uncomfortable with anything and exchanging feedback is something you should never forget. Leaving your partner without a conversation post the scene may make your partner feel used or hamper your relationship.
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