Sexual desire, arousal and responses vary for men and women. While male arousal is tangible and more obvious, female arousal is based on emotions and environmental stimulation. Women respond differently to the same lover at different times and there may be a point when she may show no interest at all. It’s not a one off day which was stressful but you notice a pattern or trend of excuses, disinterest, lack of initiative and dissatisfaction, then there’s something wrong.

Below are some ways to deal and handle the situation as it’s sensitive:


Ask your partner why she doesn’t feel like having sex. Ask her to share and open up to you, let her know you’re there for her. Lack of libido is related to stress, fatigue, pressure, responsibilities of personal and/or professional life. A lot of women feel conscious of their body after undergoing major changes like pregnancy, abnormal or sudden weight gain; so be understanding. There could be a list of reasons for her indifference and you should ask. However, do not push or pressure her into answering, you should make her feel safe in her space.


Just because she’s chosen to not talk about it, doesn’t mean you should not communicate your feelings and desires with her. Let her know you’re keen on keeping the sex life active. Tell her how much you love and respect her body. Communication is key to any relationship and if you stop that, your partner may go into a shell completely and the consequences may be worse.


If your sex life had become a routine of the same things you do to each other just to get it over with, then that’s definitely a red signal! Since women respond to sexual stimulation emotionally, the scheduled structure of your foreplay and sex do not work on her anymore. That does not necessarily mean she’s not interested in having sex with you. It’s time to mix it up a little, bring some fun into the bedroom like sex toys, role plays, bedroom games, or gift her some sexy lingerie.


Constant rejection may dishearten you and leave you bitter about your relationship and partner. However, don’t just give up, take notes from Ross Gellar about trying to keep his sex life alive with his wife (which didn’t work because she was a lesbian, but that’s not the point). Sometimes, slow and steady efforts may help rebuild the lost chemistry in the bedroom. Take some time to plan special evenings, a weekend getaway, do things that will make her happy together. Stress, mundane routines, and responsibilities might be the reason for your partner having no energy left by the time they get to the bedroom – a change of location and weather could be all you need!


In certain cases, the answer to why she’s not interested is as simple as, she’s done with the relationship. She’s unhappy or dissatisfied with the partner and hence, she may not want to indulge in any intimacy. One of the top three reasons for couples breaking up is sexual non-compatibility. A lot of couples tend to ignore this as reason enough to split, but an unsatisfied sex life or lack of it will break the relationship not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Sex is one of the most carnal needs of the body and long periods of abstinence can lead to the lack of self-esteem, depression, self-worth issues, and heaving dejection. If the two of you are not right for each other, it may be better to let go when you realize this than to spend your long lives unfulfilled.

Image credits: Men’s health

Afreen Malik

Mother of 2, a full-time writer with 3+ years of experience, love to write for If you have any opinion/suggestions about my write-ups please share them in comments below

February 27, 2017

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