Often couples experience over a period of time in a relationship or at the start, that one partner withdraws themselves when the other start to engage in a sexual act.
Touch is the magic wand of intimacy – Denis Waitley
It is often concluded that your partner is not interested in you or that you are not sexy enough, but in fact, it could be because of your touch–either at the wrong time or at the wrong place. One must have a keen eye and notice the reactions when touching a partner, observe the body language and their expressions. If the partner’s inviting face goes all irritated, know that you’re touching it wrong. If the moans get louder, then know that your stroke is working like a Midas touch.
If you’re someone who has been touched by your partner at the wrong time or at the wrong place, then you have to make a list of your erogenous spots and communicate those with your partner. Additionally, you can note down the instances when you get aroused by their touch the most.
In case you don’t know where to start, then there are five ways how you can communicate this with your partner:
1. Being up front:
If your partner is willing to improvise themselves in bed, then openly tell them about your erogenous spots. You can do it either face to face or via text messages. Just make sure you’re gentle about it. You can go on with something like, “The last time we had sex, remember how you were throwing me little surprises by pinching my nipples from time to time? That was damn hot.”
2. Telling them when during the act:
If you’re a little shy about conveying your erogenous spots to your partner openly, then you can tell them while you’re in the action. You can say something like, “Ah! Pinch my nipples hard,” or “Kiss me, sexy.
3. Moving their hands:
Who says the communication needs to be done verbally? You can express your fancies by moving their hand to your arousal points. For example, while you’re in the action, take your partner’s hand and place it on your penis. Stroke the penis when their hand is still on it. This way, they will know that you want them to play with your penis.
4. Facial expressions:
When your partner is touching an inappropriate spot, make faces that suggest it’s painful or you’re disliking it. If you’re enjoying their touch, follow these steps: close your eyes, take a deep breath, look at them in the eyes, while you move your tongue on your lips; repeat these steps, as you bite your lips in between.
5. Loudness of your moans:
One of the simple ways to communicate is through moans. If you’re enjoying your partner’s touch, moan louder and deeper; if you’re not, then go with a soft, “Ah!”, indicating you’re in pain.
Even if your partner reveals their arousal spots and the times they enjoy your stroke the most, do not touch them without their consent. If they tell you they are not in a mood, respect that. If you want to have sex, you can turn them on by cracking a kinky joke. If they get aroused by that then bingo! But if not, then it’s just not your day, buddy!